YOUR BESTIE’S A DUDE? COOL. BUT BEWARE…
Sometimes, a fellow girl just doesn’t cut it. Sometimes, it takes a guy to truly understand and cherish you to a point where he earns the label ‘best friend’ with full affirmation.
‘Incidents’ may still occur, though. Incidents like;
💔Finding yourself in your BFF’s bed one morning after a lot of ‘Hanky Panky’ the night before.
💔Your bestie turning green around the gills and being in a love triangle with you and your crush.
💔You two having a major crush on each other but not being able to say anything because you don’t want to jinx your friendship.
So what happens when your BFF is in love with you and you’re interested in someone else?
I’ve read a lot of books and watched a lot of movies to know that that kind of shit is pretty hard to fix. Sometimes, your bestie might back off, seeing as you have a crush on someone else. Other times, it’s a fight to the finish and there’s a whole lot of yelling, arguments and even tears.
Firstly, make sure your feelings for your BFF are totally platonic. You don’t want to lie to yourself and turn him away when there’s actually something gnawing at your heart. Thoroughly check to see if you have those kinds of feelings for him. If you affirm that you don’t, you’ll have a lot more willpower to tell him no.
When you’re letting him down, do it easy. Just because you’ve known him forever doesn’t mean you get to talk to him anyhow.
Also, don’t be offended by him. Stop saying and thinking things like “I can’t believe him! We’ve been best friends for such a long time and now that I meet someone else, he’s trying to ruin it for me. Why is he spoiling our friendship?”
Slow down, Esmeralda. He’s not trying to ruin anything. Stop thinking that way. If he never owned up before and is now doing so when he realizes there’s someone else, it’s only because he was scared to before and now feels threatened. Opportunities come but once. He’s merely taking his chance before he completely loses you. He has the right to state his feelings, honey. Don’t make him look or feel like a bad guy for doing so.
For tips on how to reject him without being a bitch, stay tuned.
What happens when you two actually like each other but you don’t want to ruin the friendship?
My answer to that question is “What is there to ruin?” This isn’t a one person affair. You both are interested, so go for it. Dating someone who really knows you can be actually quite fun. You don’t have to go through the whole ‘figuring out who s/he is to please them’ rut. You feel comfortable and super relaxed around them and the trust you have for each other is SOLID.
Regardless of how good it sounds, though, you guys have to make a pact before doing anything. Both of you have to promise to remain cool and good (best) friends with each other if the relationship does not end well.
You and your bestie had sex. It wasn’t intentional, but you did. What now?
There was a party. You and your bestie got lit. The next morning, you wake up and see that you’re both lying totally naked side by side. There’s a used up condom just beside the bed and you know he has been down there. You can feel it. He wakes up too and he’s thinking the same thing you are; “Shit”
The first thing I’m going to say now is this; Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, blame alcohol. The truth is, Tequila didn’t do this, you did. I learned a while back that alcohol doesn’t make you do things you don’t want to do. It only gives you the courage to do things that are already in your mind. Don’t you dare use the ‘we were drunk’ excuse because that just means you are a pathetic, low self-esteemed person who never wants to take the responsibility for anything and always finds a way to shift the blame. Don’t shift the blame. Own up to it. If you look deep (deep, deep) down, you’ll see that you always had, even if it’s the tiniest one, a ‘thing’ for your bestie.
My suggestion is to face the situation head-on but if you feel you can’t at the moment, that’s fine. Tell your bestie “Dude, I can’t really think this through right now but let’s talk about it later, okay?” Give yourself some breathing distance from him and when you feel calmer, go back and discuss the issue. Don’t you dare run away! The truth is, if you avoid him, you’ll be making your friendship strained and destroying any potential of a relationship with him. You’d be ‘killing two birds with one stone’ but I’m not sure these are the kind of birds you want dead.
💚Open up to your bestie and encourage him to do the same. Did you guys like it? Did you hate it?
💚If you both had a nice time - and you’re thinking you both want to do it again, VOILA! You’re in a relationship. But like I said earlier, make a pact. Talk things through.
But what if you both resent it? What if you hated it and he liked it? Calmly discuss why you don’t appreciate the incident. Tell him you still want to remain friends (if you do) and tell him you’ll act fine around him but a repetition of something like that must never happen. Put it at the back of your mind and live your life, sista!
But what if none of what I’ve said earlier is actually happening to you guys? What if things are going smoothly?
Oh, in that case, I’ve been wasting my time. Ha ha ha. Just kidding,
It’s great that you guys are great. Just avoid these simple things so none of the incidents I mentioned above happens:
💚Don’t flirt with him or make any remarks that may lead him to think you like him in that way. Don’t send wrong messages across.
💚Don’t get jealous of the attention he gives his crush or girlfriend. You have to understand that sure, she’s taking up most of his brain space but you are somewhere deeply embedded in his heart. That’s why you’re his BFF. It’s not easy but you need to put your trust for him to the test. That girl’s not going to steal him away. Remain calm.
Damn! That was quite long (you guys should totally pay me for this). On to the next topic!
Sometimes, a fellow girl just doesn’t cut it. Sometimes, it takes a guy to truly understand and cherish you to a point where he earns the label ‘best friend’ with full affirmation.
‘Incidents’ may still occur, though. Incidents like;
💔Finding yourself in your BFF’s bed one morning after a lot of ‘Hanky Panky’ the night before.
💔Your bestie turning green around the gills and being in a love triangle with you and your crush.
💔You two having a major crush on each other but not being able to say anything because you don’t want to jinx your friendship.
So what happens when your BFF is in love with you and you’re interested in someone else?
I’ve read a lot of books and watched a lot of movies to know that that kind of shit is pretty hard to fix. Sometimes, your bestie might back off, seeing as you have a crush on someone else. Other times, it’s a fight to the finish and there’s a whole lot of yelling, arguments and even tears.
Firstly, make sure your feelings for your BFF are totally platonic. You don’t want to lie to yourself and turn him away when there’s actually something gnawing at your heart. Thoroughly check to see if you have those kinds of feelings for him. If you affirm that you don’t, you’ll have a lot more willpower to tell him no.
When you’re letting him down, do it easy. Just because you’ve known him forever doesn’t mean you get to talk to him anyhow.
Also, don’t be offended by him. Stop saying and thinking things like “I can’t believe him! We’ve been best friends for such a long time and now that I meet someone else, he’s trying to ruin it for me. Why is he spoiling our friendship?”
Slow down, Esmeralda. He’s not trying to ruin anything. Stop thinking that way. If he never owned up before and is now doing so when he realizes there’s someone else, it’s only because he was scared to before and now feels threatened. Opportunities come but once. He’s merely taking his chance before he completely loses you. He has the right to state his feelings, honey. Don’t make him look or feel like a bad guy for doing so.
For tips on how to reject him without being a bitch, stay tuned.
What happens when you two actually like each other but you don’t want to ruin the friendship?
My answer to that question is “What is there to ruin?” This isn’t a one person affair. You both are interested, so go for it. Dating someone who really knows you can be actually quite fun. You don’t have to go through the whole ‘figuring out who s/he is to please them’ rut. You feel comfortable and super relaxed around them and the trust you have for each other is SOLID.
Regardless of how good it sounds, though, you guys have to make a pact before doing anything. Both of you have to promise to remain cool and good (best) friends with each other if the relationship does not end well.
You and your bestie had sex. It wasn’t intentional, but you did. What now?
There was a party. You and your bestie got lit. The next morning, you wake up and see that you’re both lying totally naked side by side. There’s a used up condom just beside the bed and you know he has been down there. You can feel it. He wakes up too and he’s thinking the same thing you are; “Shit”
The first thing I’m going to say now is this; Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, blame alcohol. The truth is, Tequila didn’t do this, you did. I learned a while back that alcohol doesn’t make you do things you don’t want to do. It only gives you the courage to do things that are already in your mind. Don’t you dare use the ‘we were drunk’ excuse because that just means you are a pathetic, low self-esteemed person who never wants to take the responsibility for anything and always finds a way to shift the blame. Don’t shift the blame. Own up to it. If you look deep (deep, deep) down, you’ll see that you always had, even if it’s the tiniest one, a ‘thing’ for your bestie.
My suggestion is to face the situation head-on but if you feel you can’t at the moment, that’s fine. Tell your bestie “Dude, I can’t really think this through right now but let’s talk about it later, okay?” Give yourself some breathing distance from him and when you feel calmer, go back and discuss the issue. Don’t you dare run away! The truth is, if you avoid him, you’ll be making your friendship strained and destroying any potential of a relationship with him. You’d be ‘killing two birds with one stone’ but I’m not sure these are the kind of birds you want dead.
💚Open up to your bestie and encourage him to do the same. Did you guys like it? Did you hate it?
💚If you both had a nice time - and you’re thinking you both want to do it again, VOILA! You’re in a relationship. But like I said earlier, make a pact. Talk things through.
But what if you both resent it? What if you hated it and he liked it? Calmly discuss why you don’t appreciate the incident. Tell him you still want to remain friends (if you do) and tell him you’ll act fine around him but a repetition of something like that must never happen. Put it at the back of your mind and live your life, sista!
But what if none of what I’ve said earlier is actually happening to you guys? What if things are going smoothly?
Oh, in that case, I’ve been wasting my time. Ha ha ha. Just kidding,
It’s great that you guys are great. Just avoid these simple things so none of the incidents I mentioned above happens:
💚Don’t flirt with him or make any remarks that may lead him to think you like him in that way. Don’t send wrong messages across.
💚Don’t get jealous of the attention he gives his crush or girlfriend. You have to understand that sure, she’s taking up most of his brain space but you are somewhere deeply embedded in his heart. That’s why you’re his BFF. It’s not easy but you need to put your trust for him to the test. That girl’s not going to steal him away. Remain calm.
Damn! That was quite long (you guys should totally pay me for this). On to the next topic!
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